


yours

by hyuckios



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, One Sided Love, sleepover at marks, this is somehow soft and sad at the same time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 10:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19248994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuckios/pseuds/hyuckios
Summary: "even if you never end up loving me in the same way that i love you,please just know i'll always be yours."





	yours

**Author's Note:**

> this is a reflection of my feelings today.  
> please let me know what emotions u catch and what u think!!!  
> mwah

A pair of warm socks and freshly washed blankets are the small things that excite Mark when the rain comes down against his living room window. He allows himself to sink into his couch, adoring the way the pillows swallow his small body. He feels comfortable. It's a demanding feeling knocking at the door that leads to his brain, but he voluntarily lets it encapsulate him for a moment, and maybe a few more. The bitter taste of melon rests on the tip of his tongue and he scrunches up his nose at it's unappreciated presence, but still dips his hand into the bowl at his side for another bite.

Being home doesn't feel the same for Mark, and he never really expected it to, but he wishes it would've at least felt a little better than it does as he sits on the couch. Seeing his family has brought a lot more gratification rather than enjoyment. 

Ever since leaving for Korea, Mark has always left a piece of himself back home. Stepping in the exact same spot he left it, doesn't really feel all that good. It's almost like the piece is still floating around in his bedroom. He accepts that, since he can't really expect it to latch itself back on. 

_He'll just always feel a little empty._

Donghyuck coughs from the opposite couch, making Mark switch his thoughts up to the boy sitting next to Mark's mother. 

It's late, but they've decided to watch a movie to overpower the annoying sounds of the rain, according to Mark's mother's words. Mark loves the sound of it, though. Rain is the same everywhere he goes, give or take a little more pressure here and there depending on the storms grazing over them, but he finds serenity in it. It's almost like a reminder. He's not too sure what the reminder is, he just knows of it presence, and he appreciates it.

Donghyuck sits with his legs folded, his peach colored hoodie right over his head, almost blocking his entire view of the television. His fingertips are painted red from the bag of doritos he's trying to quietly dig into, since Mark's mother has seemed to have fallen asleep on the couch next to him. The boy's sleeve is over his mouth as he tries to help his coughing fit die down. 

Mark laughs at the boy's effort, and he only gets an intense stare from a pair of watery eyes. 

"Slow down, will you?" Mark jokes, his eyebrow already raised. 

Donghyuck tilts his head to make sure Mark's mother is asleep before he lifts up his hand, pointing his middle finger to his friend. Mark brings his lips to a straight line, and Donghyuck copies the facial expression, mocking him.  
Mark knows they'll be picked up by their managers in the morning, but he sort of wishes he could stay there for another few days. Maybe a few weeks. The tour has been beautiful, but Mark sends doubt to his mind, and he fights with it constantly, just wishing he could forget it overall. 

Being home is always bittersweet. 

Once the hour closes, Mark pulls himself off the couch and walks over to his mother, bending down to pull her up, her eyes blinking until she settles on her son right in front of her. 

"Let's get you into bed, yeah?" She clutches onto his shirt and nods, politely saying goodnight to Donghyuck, who sends her an open mouthed smile, chip crumbs dropping into his lap. 

Mark walks with her to her bedroom, and undoes her blankets, standing at her bedside until she leans on her side, her eyes turning into smiles as she peers up at him. 

"I love you." Mark whispers, bending down to kiss her forehead, but she holds him closer, and he lets his heart reach out into the hug. She wipes her thumb against his cheek, and Mark shuts his eyes, trying to replay the feeling in mind, so he can always hold onto it. "See you in the morning."

Donghyuck is sprawled out across the couch when Mark returns to the living room. The television in front of them has been turned down just a tad, and Mark thanks Donghyuck for being respectful. 

Movies are always intriguing to Mark, but he can't seem to find any desire to pay attention to the one Donghyuck is acting like he's in. Instead, Mark gets caught in his own thoughts as he stares at his friend, noticing how his hood has fallen to the back of his head, revealing his face.

His cheeks are puffy and they're tinted red with a beautiful sort of natural blush. Mark feels his stomach flip as Donghyuck pokes his tongue out to wet his lips, a pout correlating itself on his mouth, courtesy of the scene on the screen. He groans and throws his head back, and Mark bites down on his own lip as Donghyuck expresses his anger for the characters in front of them. 

"Are you listening?" Donghyuck asks, and Mark only then realizes that he's been staring at him for a few moments, not hearing anything he's been saying. 

"Not really." Mark's honest, and Donghyuck chuckles. 

There's a hint of worry behind Donghyuck's little laugh, but Mark takes no notice toward it, and instead he shrugs his shoulders. 

"I said that I was mad that I can't watch anymore.." Donghyuck wipes his nose a few times, shaking his head along with it.

Mark thinks he looks adorable. 

The television shuts off, and Donghyuck soon stands up, crumbles his bag of chips, and disposes of it in the trash next to the kitchen. Mark almost adores the way things feel so domestic as he watches his entire _heart_ walk around the house he grew up in. 

_He doesn't just adore it, he loves it._

It doesn't matter if it's a sleepover with Mark's family for the night, Mark thinks a little too much about how he wants to develop his own home and grow old in it with his best friend. 

Donghyuck pokes his fingers in his mouth, sucking on the dust of the chips, one by one. Mark has to look away, because he really can't just watch Donghyuck suck on his fingers like that. But soon, Donghyuck sits next to Mark, his knees tucked underneath himself, his elbow resting on Mark's shoulder. 

"Dude, you're so fucking weird." Mark says, tilting his head to look at Donghyuck, who instantly looks like he's about to defend himself. "I don't understand how you can just... not finish movies."

A clap of thunder roars around them, and the lamps in the room shake, along with the windows. Donghyuck lets out a small noise from the back of his throat, almost trying to inform Mark that he's fearful of the sounds that are capable of being even louder. 

Mark places his hand over Donghyuck's, and pats it in a friendly manner. 

"I dunno... I like getting pulled into the stories of the characters, but finishing the movie means closure, or sadness, or both, and that means I have to go back to being me. I wanna be a vampire hunter in the middle of Europe, or an asshole drug dealer, just for a little longer. Not Donghyuck. You know?" 

Mark frowns.

Donghyuck watches it and only tugs on Mark's earlobe. 

"Donghyuck is great though."

"I know. But sometimes I wanna not be him for a little bit."

Mark nods his head as he accepts the answer, his jaw aching to begin its yawn, but he holds it back.

The rain beats down harder, and Donghyuck rests his chin on Mark's shoulder as they pull up the radar, wondering why they're getting such a heavy pocket of rain when it shows the lightest possible. Even the weather is a little unpredictable sometimes, almost all times.

"Wanna do something with me?" Donghyuck grins and looks over at Mark with a pair of mischievous eyes. Mark squints his own, but cracks a smirk. 

"You know the things I wanna do with you." Mark says it with some sarcasm, but Donghyuck still places his forehead on Mark's arm, shaking his head. 

"I'm serious..." Donghyuck tries to pull a serious look, but he breaks into laughter. 

Mark is aware that Donghyuck knows exactly how he feels about him, and he also knows that Donghyuck doesn't feel the same back. He still takes his chances and teases Donghyuck every opportunity he gets. It aches him deep down, seeing how close he is to his best friend--his best friend that he wants to give a new title too. 

There's patience in Mark, but he doesn't want to force anything on the beautiful boy in front of him. Instead, he keeps Donghyuck close, as it's someone he would die for in any and all ways. 

"What do you wanna do, kid?" Mark clicks his tongue. 

Donghyuck stands up in a hurry, his sweatshirt hiking up, revealing a little bit of skin exposing itself on his hip bones. Mark reaches forward to fix it for his friend, feeling the fire in his hands as he touches his skin, and Donghyuck takes no notice to it. 

_Of course he doesn't._

"You tell me! You know this place better than me!" 

"Oh, you wanna leave? It's late, Donghyuck."

Donghyuck places his hands on his hips and stomps his feet, shaking his knees as he bounces up and down, a verified pout taking it's place on his mouth. He even lifts his arms in the air and shakes his hands, just like the way Mark does. Mark grabs a pillow and throws it at Donghyuck, but Donghyuck continues to whine and whine, until Mark gives in. 

"Alright, hush! I'll go take you somewhere." Mark stretches his arms behind his back, sucking in a deep breath, holding it in. 

Donghyuck expresses his excitement with a goofy smile, but he rolls his eyes when he notices that Mark hasn't let out the breath he sucked in. Donghyuck reaches forward and pokes Mark in the stomach. 

"Don't be annoying. Breathe." 

Mark doubles over from the fingers that dig into his abdomen, puffing out air. He can't help but laugh along, painting the same expression that Donghyuck holds, on his own face. 

"It's pouring outside, though." Mark admits, and mainly because he doesn't want to face the fact that he'll have to make his own heart ache a little harder. 

Donghyuck, regardless of Mark's words, reaches forward until his wraps his hand around Mark's wrist, dragging him forward toward the sets of keys hanging up on the wall. Mark's hands already begin to sweat, and he almost thinks he might as well just put his palms up to the sky, because it would probably give off the same amount of moisture.

Donghyuck wants to take a drive, and Mark knows he'll do absolutely anything for that boy. 

"A little rain has never stopped us and our adventures before." Donghyuck cheers when Mark finally grabs onto the keys, heading toward his room to slip on his shoes. 

He wears a pair of sneakers that are white, already predicting that they'll be dirty by the time they return back home. He isn't sure quite yet where he wants to take Donghyuck, he just knows he wants it to be special. 

The windows of the car fog up to a satisfying gray color, and Mark switches on the defrost button, watching the streets gently come into view. Donghyuck sits in the passenger seat, already humming as he digs through his phone for a song to play. 

_Mark knows he would be fine just listening to Donghyuck humming._

"You're illegally driving, right?" Donghyuck cracks his head to the left and Mark widens his eyes, making it look like it's the first time he's hearing the information, too.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, but no one's out, so it'll be fine." He assures Donghyuck, but the younger already starts on his bullshit about how they'll be arrested and will never be able to perform, 'ever ever ever again.' 

The bitter taste of the melon is still dancing on the tip of Mark's tongue, and his mouth aches to be pleased with a little more bitterness. He, however, doesn't realize that he'll be provided with more of the feeling, just in a whole different way. 

The rain clears up as they begin driving and the situation just feels like they're both being hugged by the comfort. Donghyuck relaxes in the passenger seat, and he admires how he feels like someone new in that moment, like how he's been wanting to feel. Not like Lee Donghyuck from a worldwide known group. He rubs his hands up and down his thighs and hums along to the music, feeling fortunate enough to be able to cruise around with his best friend at his side, no one else. 

Mark turns the volume down at Donghyuck's favorite part, and Donghyuck vocally shows his annoyance, but laughs out an apology. Mark shoves his shoulder. 

"There's a little creek up here that I used to spend a lot of time reflecting. I wanna show it to you." 

There's a craving in Mark's bones, and he strives to show Donghyuck every piece of himself. 

"A place where Mark Lee likes to think? How special."

He pulls the car to the side of the road and puts it into park, waiting for Donghyuck as he nearly cries about how Mark parked right next to he biggest puddle on the fucking planet.

"You're the one who wanted to come when it was raining!" Mark walks over to the curb and holds his hand out. 

Donghyuck stares at it with the widest frown, his eyebrows furrowed. Mark tends to think that he can hear the _hmph_ ready to come out of the boy's mouth. 

He gets to hear it a moment later, and Mark swoons over it. 

"What, do you need me to hold your hand, princess?" Mark teases, annoyance already blooming in his chest, since he really just wants to be back in bed and cuddled up to his pillows. 

"Fuck you!" Donghyuck crosses his arms as he sits in the passenger seat, the door wide open. "Yes." 

He reaches out for Mark's hand and clasps it with all his might. Mark yanks him forward until their chests bump each other. Donghyuck widens his eyes and looks away immediately, while Mark can't help but stare at the boy practically in his arms. 

His heart soars across the night sky, reaching every star and greeting each one as Donghyuck keeps their hands intertwined. Mark's mouth even goes dry for a minute, and he forgets that Donghyuck is speaking from beside him. 

"I'm kind of scared." Donghyuck whispers, holding onto Mark's arm in response to the crackles he hears in the trees from beside them. Mark makes a joke, but pulls Donghyuck a little closer to him. 

It's beautiful.

There's a playground made of old wood and just silver, but there's a bunch of big trees that surround the park, and Donghyuck can hear the stream of water from somewhere. Mark tells him that it's high because of the rain. It isn't too dark either, because the moonlight illuminates amongst the ground in a gorgeous way.

A crystal glare presents itself shortly, and Donghyuck drops his jaw open, immediately letting go of Mark and kneeling down next to the water. 

"It's a lot prettier in the daytime."

"I bet." Donghyuck dips his hand in and nearly shivers at the temperature that coats his body just from the touch of water. "Come feel this!" 

Mark's shoulders slump in pure admiration, and his eyebrows knit together in pain. Donghyuck says it so innocently, and Mark wants to pull him into his arms and tell him how effortlessly beautiful he is, and how he deserves the world.

He'll still remind Donghyuck of those things, but Mark wants to say it in a hundred new ways. He wants to say it when he wakes up next to Donghyuck, kissing him softly as they both complain about not wanting to wake up, or do anything. He wants to hold Donghyuck in a loving kind of way, leaving marks along his skin, as reminders of how Mark truly feels about him. 

He kneels next to Donghyuck, and looks down at the water, but he doesn't dip his fingers in. So Donghyuck intertwines their fingers and submerges both of their hands into the water. 

Mark gasps and mainly because of the bold move, the way their hands are together once again, and the smile kissing Donghyuck's mouth. 

"I know, right?" Donghyuck can only assume that Mark is reacting the way he is because of the temperature and height of the water, but oh does Mark have so many other reasons to have his heart pound.

He eventually yanks his hand from Donghyuck as he pulls it out of the water. Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows and watches as Mark sits back onto the grass, relaxing as he looks up at the sky. He begs for the rain to return, just so he can have an excuse to go back home and just fall asleep, forgetting about everything that came along with the night.

"What's wrong?" Donghyuck asks, concern lacing with his words. 

Mark's chest rises and falls at an ungodly rate, and he wants to shout out a lot of unnecessary things, things that will probably upset the both of them. He grits his teeth and breathes through his mouth, begging himself not to give in to his own thoughts. 

"I am tired, that's all."

"Yeah, okay.. that's the shittiest excuse in the book." Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

Mark stands up and glares at the creek, cursing it for being there in the first place. He knows it's ridiculous, but Mark is absolutely desperate to blame someone else for the bubbling anger rising up in his stomach. 

He climbs further up the little hill, and looks down at Donghyuck, who is still crouching by the creek, an unreadable expression across the features of his face. 

"Let's go back." Mark says shortly, already speed walking back toward the car. 

Donghyuck chases after him, calling his name. Mark doesn't turn around. 

He doesn't turn around until Donghyuck grabs hold of his shoulder, swinging him until their faces meet.

"What on earth is wrong with you?" Donghyuck pants from the sprint he just pulled out of his ass, his legs already beginning to burn. 

His face falls at the tears welling up in Mark's eyes, and his heart cracks inside his chest. He attempts to reach out to Mark, but Mark pulls back.

"Why do you do it?!" 

Mark breaks. He feels his entire world crushing in front of him, his edges burning down as he aches to just open up for a minute. And once he breaks, he doesn't stop. 

"Do what!?"

"Everything with me, Donghyuck! You hold my hands and you kiss my forehead, but you can't tell me that you feel the same? You break my fucking heart, Donghyuck! You're an asshole!" Mark can't help the anger and sadness that pumps through his veins. His tears have already hit the ground as he shoves Donghyuck back. 

He touches his palms to Donghyuck's chest and turns them into fists, pounding ever so gently. Donghyuck stands there, his chest split open as he watches his friend break down in front of him. 

"Why can't you just love me back?" Mark whimpers.

He looks up at him, and Donghyuck finds something deep in Mark's eyes. 

An indescribable pain that he's never felt in his entire life. 

_Not once._

He swallows hard and lets Mark's fists meet with his chest. There's a surplus of tears slipping from Mark's eyes and he chokes on his sobs. He knows he looks ridiculous, but there's so much pain inside him that he can't hold anything in anymore. 

"I'm sorry." Donghyuck croaks, his own tears beginning to burn in the back of his eyes. 

Donghyuck can't formulate any other words that'll satisfy Mark. There's nothing he can say. There's only three words that would heal Mark's heart, but Donghyuck can't say them. 

There's more thunder that claps, but there's no rain accompanying it. Mark almost thinks it's some sort of metaphor for the both of them. Rain usually is paired up with thunder, but there's no rain in sight. He imagines that he's the rain, and that Donghyuck is the thunder. He doesn't want to be separated from his thunder, even if it meant that he had to bear through a few showers on his own. 

Donghyuck turns Mark around with him as he tries to lead them toward the car, but there's too many sobs raining from Mark's mouth, too many that he stumbles forward. Donghyuck holds both hands to Mark's hips to guide him forward, but he pulls them away. 

He isn't sure what he can and can't do, so he moves with caution, helping Mark into the passenger side. Mark tries to stop him, telling him that he'll get over it and that he can drive himself home, but Donghyuck shakes his head, promising Mark that he can drive the little route home. 

He calls it home, too, and it makes Mark hurt even more. 

It's silent the entire drive, and Mark practically sucks in all of his tears, staring blankly out of the window. Donghyuck does a shitty job parking, but Mark ignores it, already slamming the car door and heading straight to his bedroom. 

Every step he takes burns. It shoots a pain from the bottom of his foot to his head, taking a pit stop at his heart to make a few more cracks. Mark kicks his shoes off and watches them fly across his bedroom, and he curls himself up into the side of his bed, knowing that Donghyuck still needed the other half to sleep. 

He hates how he'll always take note of Donghyuck's feelings and his needs, even in an absolute time of agony. 

He hears the door click shut behind him a few moments later, but he doesn't turn. He doesn't open his eyes, either. 

The bed dips down and Mark fills with regret. He fills with sadness. 

Donghyuck sniffles as his head hits the pillow, taking his turn to let out a few tears. They're the kind of tears that burn as they take their time dripping down his cheeks. The night feels like forever, and the both of them really just want to see the sunshine already.

Anything to light up the darkness in their hearts. 

Mark turns to face Donghyuck, and the younger widens his pained eyes just a little, like he's wondering why Mark has turned to face him. 

"I'm so sorry." Mark whispers, a croak in his voice. 

Donghyuck shakes his head, lifting his hand with intentions of touching Mark's cheeks, but he drops them between the two of them. 

Mark grabs a hold of Donghyuck's hand and places it on his own cheek, letting him do it. Donghyuck rubs his thumb under Mark's eye to wipe one of his tears. 

"I want to love you. So bad." Donghyuck cries out, his lips beginning to tremble. 

Mark nods, accepting the answer, but angry at himself for making Donghyuck feel scared. Mark can see it in his eyes. 

"I'm trying. So hard." Donghyuck chokes on his tears, but Mark shakes his head. 

There's so much pain between the two of their bodies and it's emotionally exhausting. It's need meeting effort, and both of them cry for different reasons. Regardless, their hearts feel the same knives cutting through them. 

The corner of Mark's lips move up into a tiny smile as he places his own hand on Donghyuck's cheek. 

"Even if you never end up loving me in the same way that I love you,  
please just know I'll always be yours."


End file.
